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now i know what to do with all of grandpa seidel’s slides!
came across this on one of my new favorite sites.
seeing the latest makes me wish i had one of those cascading frame galleries in my stairwell.note to self. start homeschooling when the braces come off. :)
olivia’s official team portrait.
she doesn’t like it, but i think she looks awesome. her team won their first game last tuesday...and against cardinal no less. the whole team really stepped it up. another game saturday, that we’ll miss unfortunately...but i know they can do it!
(ok. i can’t help myself...olivia is, of course, the best player on the team!)
that’s me. or maybe what i aspire to be. there are a few alpha thing s that creep out every now and then...but my goal is to step back and always remember what’s important. like...it’s ok if there is a varnish of juice on my kitchen floor if i am watching sammy show me his awesome spartan fighting techniques. of course, brian and i like to laugh...we’ve gone 20-25 years of our lives without a promotion...maybe beta isn’t the best route for everything...but that’s another story. anyway, i wanted to share a fun article that a former co-worker passed on. i think it’s all good stuff to think about...no matter what kind of mom you are. well...maybe not the stay away from alpha moms part. hey, we can all learn from each some way, right?
Perfectionism and parenting can be a recipe for exhaustion and a life filled with stress. Being a "slacker mom" is not negative; it's a way of thinking smart and of being clued into what really matters over what can wait till another day. Slacker mom was a term coined by Muffi Mead-Ferro, and it's also known as being a Beta mom, or slow parenting. Slacker moms are moms who reject any over-parenting models that involve children being sent to every possible after-school improvement option, with mom staying up till dawn baking homemade cookies before rushing off to work or starting the day's tasks.
If you're ready to be a slacker mom, then it's no more sitting for hours on end in traffic and in your car at the soccer practice field; and it's no more helicopter parenting where overbearing goodwill takes away your child's self-sufficiency and capacity to learn by trial and error. Take the over-the-top expectations out of being a mom, and start really enjoying your slow parenting experience.
full disclosure. i do sit at my son’s soccer games. but only so i have time to read my books. or gossip with other moms. :)
1 > Form your own ideas about where the tendency to overdo parenting comes from. While your personal reasoning for overdoing your mom role will be very unique to you, it can be helpful to understand some of the theorizing behind why it is thought that hyper-parenting has arisen in recent years Some commentators say that many moms transfer the zeal they applied to a career to their parenting, treating motherhood as another form of profession and social competition.Sometimes it's a case of needing to define one's own worth by feeling better than the mom next door whose choices are different from yours, rather than accepting that each mom is an individual who is making good choices.For other moms, it's just about trying to keep up with the Alpha mom model developed by the marketing industry, where educated woman meets super mom in applying corporate-style organizational skills and technological agility to parenting.And for some moms, it boils down to being afraid of what might happen to their children and to their mothering role, in a society where fear is a constant via media messages.Whatever the reasons behind super intense parenting, if it's not working for you and you spend a lot of your time feeling stressed, guilty, and unhappy about maintaining this level of socialized competition, then it might be time to call time out for mom and start looking at alternative, less stressful ways to parent.
2 > Change your perspective. There are a number of ways that you can perceive motherhood and all the tasks accompanying it and that's really the key message - you make the choices on how to parent. If you're a mom who wants to step out of the fast lane and start parenting with the same amount of love but a lot less competitiveness, you can get off to a great start by: No longer viewing motherhood and parenting as a form of competition. Your mothering is not subject to a performance review, and your children are not the end product of a project.Allowing yourself to make mistakes.Lowering your expectations. Today's generation of moms have been raised to believe that they can do and have it all. Unfortunately, such a broadsweeping expectation places a lot of pressure on moms who translate this into meaning that they must literally "do and be everything".[8]Cutting down on digesting other people's mothering advice, especially the advice from people who have very little to do with your own lifestyle. From talk show gurus to self-appointed parenting experts in mommy blogs, you don't need it if it doesn't resonate with you. Getting a guilt trip just because someone else has a foolproof mommy plan is a waste of your life and an unfair burden to place on yourself. Remember the adage that parenting doesn't come with a manual – there's a good reason for that saying as it's based on the reality that we're all unique and we all have to discover our own parenting journey.Allowing yourself to be more laid back and less "in control". Avoiding judging other moms. If you're tempted to judge another mom according to your own standards, switch it to supporting her choices instead.avoiding judging....then saying stay away.
3 > Stay away from Alpha moms. If your normal personality style is to take it easy, or you've simply worked out that all this crazed effort isn't producing the results it is supposed to, hanging around Alpha moms who spend a lot of time convincing one another of the need to hyper-parent and serving as a source of stoking the competitive fire is going to make you feel worse. The answer is very simple – keep away from them if they can't keep their competitiveness toned down around you. There is absolutely no reason on Earth why you should accede to their standards and even less for you to judge yourself according to them. Realize that much of what Alpha moms support is gleaned from popular media and is probably accepted by them without question. If you do have to spend time around Alpha moms, try to view their expectations with compassion and be grateful that you're not stuck in the same mindset. This is a far healthier reaction than taking on board all the unrealistic expectations and beating yourself up for your own imperfections as a mom. Find like-minded slacker moms and form your own haphazard meet-ups and chill-out sessions, with lots of unstructured play going on as you chat and relax together.
4 > Stop being a helicopter mom. A term coined to described moms into hyper-mothering, helicopter moms hover around their kids all day long and well into the evening too. It's a phenomenon that is particularly noticeable among the professionally educated middle class.homeschooling for their kids (as opposed to homeschooling parents who value this for ideological reasons). Helicopter moms are in denial of their child's right to grow through testing. It's your role to create sensible boundaries but not to be that boundary 24 hours a day. Helicopter moms are so afraid that their child might harm themselves or come to harm from some other person, TV program, website, or activity, that they can't abide for the child to be out of their sight and spend a lot of time present with their child, directing and commenting on every moment of the day. For some moms, this goes so far as to necessitate Several studies have shown that children of helicopter moms at college age are more dependent, more neurotic, and less open than other college students.Surely that's not something you're keen to impose on your children!Helicopter mothering is time-consuming and emotionally draining on you as a mother. Interestingly, mothers have been investing more and more time in at home child-care activities since 1965 despite their increased labor force participation; this trend is especially prevalent among educated women, a sign of trying to "do it all".If you're juggling work, helicopter parenting, and a marriage, the marriage tends to suffer first. Having an intense relationship with children can serve as a form of blocking out other people in your life, including other relatives and your local community. That isn't giving your children a healthy role model, including the essential one of involving them in volunteering. Realize that sometimes being your child's best friend isn't a good idea - it's harder to set boundaries, it smothers the child, and you neglect your own friends and remaining family.
5 > Let your kid get muddy, dirty, wet, and yes, pooey even. Kids need to touch, test, push and pull stuff around. If you're always there stopping them from touching what nature provides us, they'll grow to fear nature, dirt, and getting all gooey. They can also learn how to deal with hazards like dog poo and the immediate, common sense need to wash it off rather than feeling grossed out all the time. Don't scare them away from their backyard. Instead, do some reading about the good that being in nature can do for children, or better still, get out there and see the results on your children's faces.
i’m really good at this one. ask sam when he last had a bath last.
6 > Ditch Baby Mozart. No child ever suffered from a lack of Mozart being played to them in the belly. Nobody is yet sure if the same can be said about playing it though! The belly comes perfectly equipped with its own lovely woosh woosh sounds, along with the added bonus of mom's voice. What more does a baby need? Not Mozart. Hang on to your money and put it in a college fund instead.
or those commercials...where they show 2 year olds reading? my kids ask me why i didnt do that for them. :(
7 > Cull the toy collection. Kids don't need the latest gizmos of this, that, and the other. To overload their lives with toys is to teach them early on that materialism matters. The only materialism they need to know that matters is a good roof over their head, healthy food in their stomachs regularly, and an ability to appreciate the hot and cold running water and internal temperature controls. Toys can be made from anything and indeed, most kids start off preferring the packaging anyway.
and i really suck at this one. sam does love playing with emtpy boxes and olivia is obsessed with bubble wrap. but as soon as they say they want something...against our better judgement sometimes...brian and i try to figure out how to make it work.
8 > Restrain yourself from overloading the kids' after-school curriculum. Kids don't need all those extra activities to grow into fulfilled human beings. They need to know they can play freely and use their imagination. Kids need the freedom of doing nothing so that they teach themselves how to do something with nothing. If their entire lives are filled with activities and the need to achieve, you might just be perpetuating office clones that a work-driven society too easily succumbs to facilitating.Be kind to your kids and don't overdo the extra activities. Listen to their messages about what they're enjoying and not enjoying and keep the after-school activities balanced with time for play, rest, and genuine homework.Stop doing your child's homework. They'll never learn self-responsibility while they have you to do it, and it's taking more time out of your day than you have to spare. They'll thank you later for the lesson in self-discipline.
9 > Expect self-responsibility from your children and trust that they'll be OK. Doing everything for your children is not a healthy way to bring up children as you're setting them up to be adults with an expectation that there will be someone else to do it. Even when they realize that isn't the case, they can suffer a lifetime of resentment at being "made" to do anything, from housework to finding work. Have children learn to be responsible for making their own lunch from an early age.Allow unstructured play. Let the children get bored and learn how to get themselves out of that state, or at least cope with feeling that way.Do a search online for "free-range" kids or parenting. You will find a lot of resources and forums for moms who want to raise their kids on a looser leash, and who are letting go of the fear messages and trusting their instincts instead. Free-range parents trust their children to develop a sense of responsibility early in life, making everyone's life a little less fettered and raising more self-reliant kids. Read the stories of other mothers tired of the fear and worry messages about parenting and find some relief!
10 > Expect your husband or partner to pick up some of the slack. If you're trying to do it all yourself, hand some of the responsibilities over. Dad has a role in raising your kids too and in keeping the house in some form of tidiness. Dads can feel sidelined if you insist on doing it all – don't allow yourself to get into that bind in the first place. It's also good for your kids to see both parents handling household responsibilities equally.
no problem here. brian is awesome.
11 > Chill and stop feeling guilty. Your kids don't need the latest designer gear, they don't need the best 101 kid's TV channels, they don't need all those amazing electronic gadgets. They need your love, they need your company in small doses and they need the company of a lot of other people too, like their dad, their brothers and sisters, their cousins, their neighbors' kids, their granny and pops. You don't need to feel that you're not giving enough if you at least accept that what you're doing is raising a child, not a robot, and that you give love, praise, and set boundaries all with a good heart.
so. this post definitely falls in the category of too much information. so be forewarned. i a little while back in updates i posted that there might be a problem with my incision. well, that turned out to be a large understatement. because of the radiation that i had 5 years back (well, thats what i keep telling myself so i stop putting the blame on me) the incision not only didn’t heal, but got hugely infected. fortunately, it waited till i got home from vacation...but 2 dys later i was in my doctors office watching brian turn pale as the doctor cut open my chest and pulled out my inplant. (i have very little feeling there...so it didn’t hurt me...except for wanting to throw up cause i knew what was happening) anyway...enough back story and on to the daily ritual part. every day...twice a day...the saint known as brian roach has to pack my open wound...wearing rubber gloves....with saline soaked gauze until the wound heals up from the inside. you cant just sew it up cause there is now way of making sure all the bacteria is out of it. it’s why puncture wounds are so dangerous. now, some of you know...brian is a guy who learned how to give a shot into a box turtles leg. so he’s perfectly suited for this job. and as i have said to myself for the umpteenth-gazillioneth time...i don’t know what i would do without him.
i know...a lot of people think it’s dumb.
but i love it.
thanks to curious bird for my little inspiration today. i needed it.
“i don’t know that much about the rest of the world...like chardon and claridon...but i do KNOW burton.”
sammy...explaining to me how things are.
it looked even funnier in my side mirror. i love seeing all dogs hanging out the window. so happy.
baseball tournaments all last weekend. this weekend...all star game. sammerjam was one of three players on his team to be selected. he likes to pitch, but he is an awesome first baseman. very proud of you, sammy!
one year old today!only three years to go till she stops eating our couch?
and yes, that’s really her middle name. i thought it was pretty, but my kids think it’s goofy. it probably should have been “no.” that what she hears most of the time. these are her official mt pictures. as always, thanks to russ for making us look good. :)
i’m a little unclear as to what exactly she was doing, but it looks cool.
sleep.
it’s bird poop. and it totally looks like a dog. how much admission should i charge?
(thanks to stuart for first noticing it.)
i think about when i think of my mom. (in no particular order)
1. meatloaf.
and not the food, although hers was pretty good. going to blossom with my mom and dad to see him.
2. christian dior.
my mom was the most fabulous seamstress. a black voile dior skirt and top...from a vogue pattern stands out. i wore it to one of my dances...but i also wore to school i was so in love with it.
3. ratatouille.
she used to make it when walter went out of town. i owe my love of vegetables to her.
4. sun way dry cleaners.
it was sort of our family hangout.
5. hogan
she LOVED that dog.
6. um, excuse me?
7. tj maxx.
she couldn’t help herself in there. her closets were like a store.
8. dancing.
she loved it...my favorite time was at my cousin kelly’s wedding. mom dancing with olivia and sam.
9. sunbathing and mystery novels.
10. framingham ladies dinner club.
i used to love watching her get ready for those. she was so pretty and so fashionable. i came across all her menus recently...some typed...some in her amazing handwriting.
11. earrings.
when we vacationed at hampton beach, she used to let me walk alone to the corner store. where i would proceed to buy her a pair of cheap earrings every time. and she wore them.
happy birthday. i think about you every day. xoxo
in burton. that’s how we roll.
brian’s birthday was last thursday, october 21st.
seeing the latest makes me wish i had one of those cascading frame galleries in my stairwell.
meet ozzy. our new foster child.
she is tired of hearing it...but when i went to homecoming, i wore a wool skirt and a silk blouse. (i also wore 10 pounds of make-up...but that’s another story!) neither of these are “the dress”...but these were 2 of my other favorites. she does have a date, but they are all going as a group.
olivia’s official team portrait.
so. this post definitely falls in the category of too much information. so be forewarned. i a little while back in updates i posted that there might be a problem with my incision. well, that turned out to be a large understatement. because of the radiation that i had 5 years back (well, thats what i keep telling myself so i stop putting the blame on me) the incision not only didn’t heal, but got hugely infected. fortunately, it waited till i got home from vacation...but 2 dys later i was in my doctors office watching brian turn pale as the doctor cut open my chest and pulled out my inplant. (i have very little feeling there...so it didn’t hurt me...except for wanting to throw up cause i knew what was happening) anyway...enough back story and on to the daily ritual part. every day...twice a day...the saint known as brian roach has to pack my open wound...wearing rubber gloves....with saline soaked gauze until the wound heals up from the inside. you cant just sew it up cause there is now way of making sure all the bacteria is out of it. it’s why puncture wounds are so dangerous. now, some of you know...brian is a guy who learned how to give a shot into a box turtles leg. so he’s perfectly suited for this job. and as i have said to myself for the umpteenth-gazillioneth time...i don’t know what i would do without him.
i know...a lot of people think it’s dumb.
sign at a tacky gift store in tin city. but it made me laugh the whole trip. (vacation is my excuse for not posting in awhile.) we had an awesome time...good weather, good friends and good time with our family. visits with grandpa bookended our trip.
2. last day of school. fun day...not field day. field day is too competitive. (?????) rainy day, but fun. i was slushy-lady.
baseball tournaments all last weekend. this weekend...all star game. sammerjam was one of three players on his team to be selected. he likes to pitch, but he is an awesome first baseman. very proud of you, sammy!
and yes, that’s really her middle name. i thought it was pretty, but my kids think it’s goofy. it probably should have been “no.” that what she hears most of the time. these are her official mt pictures. as always, thanks to russ for making us look good. :)
it’s bird poop. and it totally looks like a dog. how much admission should i charge?
i never really used to love spring...but look at that wisteria. to see things come alive that you were almost positive were dead...that’s pretty inspiring.
pretty handsome...am i right? he wanted to wear a tux. said he could use one for when he plays secret agent. a tux and high tops. i might have to consider it.
that would be the title to about one third of olivia’s pictures from dc. it looked like they had a blast though. i think my favorite is the ring-ding-ding- (politically incorrect term) umbrella man. apparently he drove all the kids nuts. but really, she had tons of great shots. and had a great time. the tape on the outside of the hotel door is a trick i’ll need to remember. :)
