car ride

it looked even funnier in my side mirror. i love seeing all dogs hanging out the window. so happy.

all star

baseball tournaments all last weekend. this weekend...all star game. sammerjam was one of three players on his team to be selected. he likes to pitch, but he is an awesome first baseman. very proud of you, sammy!

happy birthday

one year old today!
only three years to go till she stops eating our couch?

summer day roach

and yes, that’s really her middle name. i thought it was pretty, but my kids think it’s goofy. it probably should have been “no.” that what she hears most of the time. these are her official mt pictures. as always, thanks to russ for making us look good. :)

fun with filters

i’m a little unclear as to what exactly she was doing, but it looks cool.

play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play,

sleep.

what would spot do?

it’s bird poop. and it totally looks like a dog. how much admission should i charge?
(thanks to stuart for first noticing it.)

10 things

i think about when i think of my mom. (in no particular order)

1. meatloaf.
and not the food, although hers was pretty good. going to blossom with my mom and dad to see him.

2. christian dior.
my mom was the most fabulous seamstress. a black voile dior skirt and top...from a vogue pattern stands out. i wore it to one of my dances...but i also wore to school i was so in love with it.

3. ratatouille.
she used to make it when walter went out of town. i owe my love of vegetables to her.

4. sun way dry cleaners.
it was sort of our family hangout.

5. hogan
she LOVED that dog.

6. um, excuse me?

7. tj maxx.
she couldn’t help herself in there. her closets were like a store.

8. dancing.
she loved it...my favorite time was at my cousin kelly’s wedding. mom dancing with olivia and sam.

9. sunbathing and mystery novels.

10. framingham ladies dinner club.
i used to love watching her get ready for those. she was so pretty and so fashionable. i came across all her menus recently...some typed...some in her amazing handwriting.

11. earrings.
when we vacationed at hampton beach, she used to let me walk alone to the corner store. where i would proceed to buy her a pair of cheap earrings every time. and she wore them.

happy birthday. i think about you every day. xoxo

may

i never really used to love spring...but look at that wisteria. to see things come alive that you were almost positive were dead...that’s pretty inspiring.

trash compacting...

in burton. that’s how we roll.

spring musical

pretty handsome...am i right? he wanted to wear a tux. said he could use one for when he plays secret agent. a tux and high tops. i might have to consider it.

(he is the little spec in the front row in the white shirt. the program was really cute. you can see it in their faces...the kids just feel so important!)

magic schoolbus

that would be the title to about one third of olivia’s pictures from dc. it looked like they had a blast though. i think my favorite is the ring-ding-ding- (politically incorrect term) umbrella man. apparently he drove all the kids nuts. but really, she had tons of great shots. and had a great time. the tape on the outside of the hotel door is a trick i’ll need to remember. :)

washington dc

olivia was in washington dc these last couple of days. amazing how someone who spends most of her time in her room avoiding us ...can leave such a void in our house when she is gone. can’t wait to hear stories of her trip and see more of her pictures. these were a few she sent on her phone. i know i’m her mom...but i really she think she has a good eye with her shots.

happy sunday

or happy easter.
i think i would have needed to hard boil 3 dozen eggs to try all the color combinations we got this year in our paas packet. does anybody really make spinners out of the circles you punch out? brian and i read a martha stewart magazine in one of the waiting rooms last month. of course...fantastic. each egg a work of art. one of the things she suggested was using electric tape to do the masking. worked on some, not on others. and the layering of the dyes didn’ t seem to work with the dyes we had. and...the kids got bored about 20 minutes in. ah, traditions. the kids celebrated the day by playing ripstick basketball. sam had a bunch of guys over yesterday playing. ill try and get a picture next time they do. as if one or the other wasn’t hard enough!thanks to aunt sheryl and uncle john for having brunch with us and sitting through an impromptu viewing of sherlock holmes. you are good sports!

(and on a side note, summer jumped in and swam in three ponds today. so much for that yummy-frito-puppy smell!)

random thoughts and news

1. yes, it’s a tracing...but isn’t it a good one? not sure which kid...found it as i was looking through some papers on my desk.

2. heard back from my oncologist...uh’s review of the path slides pretty much match the clinic’s...so still no chemo. yay!

3. it’s that time of the year again...sammy has started baseball and soccer. fortunately, the games don’t overlap too much. some of the practices will, but we’ll manage. i can’t wait till it starts to get warmer out...it is really fun to watch him play. plus, lots of nice parents to hang out with.

4. olivia has started a volleyball clinic in mentor. it looked like they did some really good drills. i know olivia was a little sore over the weekend! she is looking forward to some sand volleyball with her dad this summer.

5. did some more genetic testing last week...will know the results in 3-4 weeks. supposedly a bit more accurate than the one i did 5 years ago. i don’t think insurance covers this one, but i think i still feel better knowing.

6. got to see the inside of our neighbor, topper’s, house over the weekend. amazing. he has done so much work, it is hard to believe it’s the same house. he also shared some of the other things he has been working on...animal rights and honey.

7. finished the help last week and started the hour i first believed on my new nook. thanks again to all my amazing friends...its very fun, and much lighter to carry in my purse. and thanks to amy for all the great book selections.

8. saw the balto exhibit at the cleveland museum of natural history. as i’ve mentioned before, sam LOVES balto. although neither kid seemed all that excited to actually see the real balto. (well, stuffed balto) bri and i liked it though. and it made me more proud of cleveland that people worked so hard to bring balto here. if you don’t know the story, check it out. it’s really pretty interesting.

9. 71 degrees this coming thursday. :)

10. planning ahead...brian and back 9 at marcelitas for cinco de mayo. they even have there picture on the website! that’s brian...right in front of the flat screen tv. (?!)

gangsta

balloons

i’ll probably file this one under a little bit too much information...but i visited my plastic surgeon yesterday to start having my expanders filled up. and i think brian will agree with me...it was kind of freaky. first, they use what amounts to a stud-finder to find the resealable cap to my expander. then, using a syringe that is easily an inch in diameter and maybe 6 inches long, with a needle that is easily 3 inches long...he injected the saline through my scar into the cap. and it didn’t hurt. (then) it just felt so bizarre to feel these things filling up. it was only a little, but when he was done, they felt so tight. it was really almost hard to breathe. it hurt every time i took a deep breath. i had debated driving myself to that appointment, but now i’m really glad i didn’t. i was joking with allison at work about coming back and everyone staring at breasts for weeks. (you know you will!) i suppose posts like this don’t help. but aside from the sucky part about the cancer, the process has all been so interesting.

today, tonight, tomorrow

i will be calling and emailing and thank-you-noting-you-all tomorrow....but wanted to let you know that today’s appointment went really well. i probably shouldn’t have been so freaked out. i knew the facts, but your mind takes you far places sometimes. they (uh) will be redoding the path tests on the clinic slides this next week, but based on the report....i will not be needing chemotherapy. and as an added bonus, they said to stop taking the tamoxifen. ( i only had a few months to go, but it was still good to hear. it obviously didn’t stop my cancer from recurring) i will be having, or rather allowing from my dna , some more genetic testing over the next couple of weeks. there is apparently a new test that further defines your risk for ovarian cancer. if that comes back positive there may be a few more things ahead for me. but nothing we couldn’t handle. but today, was a very good day. love to you all. and all my love to brian who without i wouldn’t have made it through. your good wishes have meant more than you know.

venting

i’d like to think that i’ve been pretty even keeled about this whole thing...but sometimes things just set me off.

first let me start by saying that i’m stradling the systems. surgery at clinic...oncology at uh. uh called me yesterday at 4:30 saying, hey you have an appointment tomorrow, where are your films? how was i supposed to know? so then i sent almost an hour on the phone with the clinic being transferred, cut off, transferred again, transferred to the emergency department(?), transferred again to the same person 3 times who proceeded to lose her temper with me only to finally find out it was slides i needed not films. big difference. x!@##$%. then get transferred to pathology only to be told, sorry, they have all left for the day. !#$#$@%$. finally get transferred to that persons supervisor who was still there and was the nicest person i talked to all day. not only did he find the slides, he packaged them up and left them at the front desk for me...and actually called me back. thanks, paul.

so, then i call uh first thing this morning to see if it would be helpful for me to drop off the slides first thing this morning instead of waiting for my appointment at 3:00. and was told, no, it didn’t really matter because the slides would have to be sent downtown to be retested by uh before my oncologist could do anything with them. @%$@%@%^#^#^#^. i was hoping today to visit my oncologist and find out my fate for the next couple of months and now, i’m not even sure that’s going to happen. she will have the pathology report, so hopefully we will learn something. but on top of already feeling really anxious, now i’m frustrated too.

oh well. like i said, it’s probably my own fault for not staying within the same system. i just with both systems had more understanding for patients understand and know. both sides could have probably handled this with a single phone call...a week and a half ago.

ok, i’m done. i’ll keep you posted.

pink

today was wear-pink-day at burton elementary in honor of two of our most beloved teachers who are also going through a breast cancer battle right now. thanks to joanna...sammy has the coolest shirt ever...that even has his moms name on it. he was a little afraid that it looked like a dress...but i think the black underarmour toughened it up.

reiki

my friend, michelle, practices reiki and balanced my chakras the other day. she is planning on getting mote serious about it, so i am going to help her with business cards and stuff. it”s a lot of stuff to put on a card...and she wants it only one-sided. do you have a favorite? olivia likes the water color one because she says its more spiritual. and i just love that she gave it that kind of thought.

another day, another appointment

but today with one of my favorite people, my general surgeon, dr. dorsky. it’s not like he’s over-the-top friendly, but his manner is really comforting to both brian and i. i wish i could take him to my oncology appointment next week. he is super positive that i wont need further treatment...other than maybe something hormonally...but is not so sure that the oncologist will look at things the same way. anyway, still very happy with yesterdays news and feeling pretty good about it. i planned on writing more, but i am being kicked off the computer by my daughter and husband. more later.

orchid

i have never owned one, but kate and russ sent this home with brian after a photo shoot. soooo beautiful. the crazy kids in the background aren’t bad either.

:)

no lymph node involvement! i meet with my oncologist next week so i can’t say for 100% certain that i won’t have additional treatment...but its still a good sign. i also found out that there was a pre-cancerous growth in the right breast that nothing picked up except this biopsy. so just more reassurance for us that we did the right thing. so, have a toast for me. i’ll join you as soon as i get off all these pain killers! xoxo

and ps. i will just never be able to thank everyone enough for all their prayers and help. we are just so blessed to have so many loving families. brace yourself, i think this will be an ongoing theme for lot of the next posts!

things that made me smile today

(in no particular order)
1 > olivia questioning my love for her
2 > that lame mime doing “repairwork” on the olympic torch
3 > sammy doing einy-meiny-miny-mo to decide who would take him to school
4 > card on my back door from meredith...we are so blessed with good friends
5 > a snowman
6 > all my conversations with jimmy today
7 > a care package from colleen...that good friends-thing again
8 > every time brian walks into my office
9 > summer madness
10 > my kids doing dance dance revolution to hungry like the wolves

so, full disclosure, this post was written last monday night...the night before my surgery. just thinking about all the the things in my life i have to smile about that day. and the next day was no exception. i constantly had the hand of my best friend...well with the exception of a couple of hours. and everyone we met was happy, friendly and helpful. we were told that the surgery went textbook...no problems. the pain...that was a problem, but i had a pump and everyone kept a close eye on me. and believe it or not, i was released early the next afternoon. i think my kids were a bit freaked out to see me though. between looking pale and unsteady, i also had all sorts of nasty things hanging from my body. 2 drains and 2 pain pumps. they don’t usually see me sick or unhappy, so it sort of upset sam. but i have felt better and stronger every day since. honestly, if you would have told me that i would feel like i do today tuesday night....i wouldn’t have believed you. so,

the elephant in my kitchen. the lymph nodes. i still don’t know yet. i called this morning and they said to try again this afternoon. anyone who has been thru this...and unfortunately, i know too many, know that this is the worst part. waiting. waiting. waiting. i don’t even know what to say. but hopefully my next post will start with a :)

winter picnic

we did this about a month ago...i just didn’t get around to posting it till now. leave it to carol, our neighbor and best friend to get us out of our comfort zone. literally. but we had a warm day, the park was beautiful, lots of good bread and cheese, free wood and a crackling fire in that cool lean-to behind carol and i in the pictures. we are planning on an overnight there in may. our luck with camping...especially with c&c...isn’t that great. lots of big green blobs on the radar. but this park is in huntsburg so how bad can it be.

shaun white

sam wants to be him, and olivia wants to marry him.
(donations happily accepted. ;) )

vacuum

so, it would appear that my luck with cancer is about as good as my luck in vacuums. which is to say...it sucks. (see what i did there?) having gone through 3 vacuums in about 2 months...i could hardly believe it was happening. but with those vacuums...it was so crazy that all i could do was laugh. the cancer...not so much. right at my five year mark...my routine mri showed a shadow that wasn’t there last year. when they say shadow, it kind of makes it not sound so ominous. but when they say invasive lobular cancer...not so good. anyway, i am having a double mastectomy with reconstruction on march 2nd. i am really ok with it. i didn’t start this blog to really reveal all sorts or personal stuff, but right now it seems like a good way to keep everyone in the loop. we won’t know till the day of the surgery if it has spread to my lymph nodes, but my thinking is that if they only saw a “shadow”...it’s small. so all my positive energy is going in that bucket.

(my next appointment is for pre-op next monday. nothing scary. just blood work...which i was due for anyway.)

fug

i LOVE when the fug girls do jennifer lopez.
an excuse to post. i’ll try and do it more often.

before...after

the whispering pines photo i promised....
taking it down. can you believe it? we are lucky a fire didn’t start. we cut it down...i watered it religiously at least once every day...and we get this. not blaming anybody, just curious as to what to look for when you are cutting down a live tree.

summer in a snuggie

what can i say. my kids were with me...and i was weak at the grocery store. aunt sheryl, it’s all your fault. :)

merry christmas

olivia’s abercrombie fitch card as customized by daddy.

greetings

try to be surprised if you see these shots end up on our card this year.
more cool shots from olivia.